At a Loss for Words

Since our daughter left home so suddenly just over three weeks ago, I have found myself at a complete loss of words for something to write here at Mama Flock.  I am moving through the grief and loss process one day at a time.  Some days I can do this more gracefully than others.  But often, I am just truly sad down to my bones. The process has taken much of my energy and leaves nothing much for creative and thoughtful blogging -- so I write nothing.

Here my blog sits ... silent.  Waiting. 

Less Depressing

Word on the street is that my blog posts and Instagrams lately have been a little depressing for people.

Okay, I'm sorry about that.  This is my real life and I'm trying to remain as hopeful as possible through something with which I'm really struggling.  But sadness and frustration are emotions that, as humans, we all have. 

That being said, I don't want anyone worrying themselves that I'm going to throw myself off a bridge or something.  My hope is in the Lord.

Never Give Up Hope

While I've spent years saying I'd easily fit into a hermit lifestyle if my family vanished suddenly -- that's my introverted side poking out -- in recent years, I've learned the blessing of friendships beyond my family.

This morning, I was reminded why the Lord gives us community and friendships. 

One of my dear friends from New England called me first thing this morning while I was still cozily (and lazily) laying in my bed.  The house was quiet.  C had already gone to work and the kids were still in their beds.  Her timing for a more-than-five-minute phone call was perfect.  Truly. 

One Week To Go

One week from today, we will be graduating our daughter, S, from high school.  I am still in shock over this.

There's a lot to do this week, too.  The house needs to be readied for the celebration, we'll be picking up my mom at the airport Thursday, making lists and schedules to be sure it all comes together as well as possible.  We definitely don't want to be late to the ceremony!

It's all very challenging.  I'm also on a last minute cram to finish up transcripts for her and my, oh my, what will we give her as a graduation gift?!

Stepping Out

Hello Readers and Friends.

You all know how much it means to me to be able to share our lives with you here at Mama Flock and I hope to continue to do so for as long as the Lord directs and inspires me to do so.

But today, I am stepping out in faith.  I submitted an application to be a contributing writer for another blog that is specifically homeschool related. 

This does not mean I will no longer share details of our homeschooling life here at Mama Flock.  No! Of course not.  If my application is selected among the many the blog originator has received already and I am blessed with the opportunity to stretch my writing abilities elsewhere, it will all be in addition to what I am doing here at Mama Flock.

I ask that if you have a moment today or in the next few days that you will pray for God's will for me in this endeavor.  I love to write because of Him.  I am able to write only because of Him.  I will only be able to take on the extra writing work with and for Him. 

So although it was my hand that submitted such an application, it is up to Him to give me the strength to do all that is necessary to accomplish the tasks set before me if my application is accepted and well-received.

Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog and to be a special part of my life.

Counting Down to Life

I've always been a big fan of countdowns.  I love anticipation even more than the actual thing or day we are counting down towards.  I enjoy Christmas Eve (the pinnacle of anticipation) better than Christmas Day.  But lately, our life has been overflowing with countdowns and I feel like I'm in this constant state of anticipation without much focus on the actual reveals.

Some Writing First

I was kind of sick over the weekend and still don't have my usual voice back (don't think the kids aren't celebrating my inability to yell for them up the stairs), so I did not get my entire lesson plan down on paper as I'd hoped.  While we made it through yesterday -- which I'll post about separately -- today has been more difficult.

My dear, sweet, loving husband could hear in my voice how frazzled I was this afternoon when he called to tell me he was on his way home, so he offered to take the kids out for the evening (dinner and a movie?) so I could finish up my lesson planning and just refocus a little.

You know it's been a great day when your husband says, "Hey, I'm on my way home ... how are things?" and my response is unintelligible because all the words are spoken through blubbering and tears.

Yes, it's been one of those days.

So anyway, I decided to use my "write down the lesson plan" time to blog first.  How wise am I?!  (Please hear my sarcasm in that question.)

But I think if I clear my head first, I'll better be able to do the job at hand in this nice quiet house.

Why?  Why was today so tough?  Are you ready for a long-ish story?  Here it goes (if not, you'll probably just want to skip this post)...

Since Christmas Eve

Happy New Year's Eve (and by the time I'm done with this post, it'll be New Year's) ... I'm blogging my way into 2013!

So, several things have happened since you last heard from me...

6:45 AM - 9:00 PM

That's how long S was at SOM yesterday. 

She was dropped off just before 7:00. She did prayer group, she did classes, she worked on school work with classmates, she attended the evening church service -- served in a ministry and took notes on the message, which she has to turn in -- then she came home.

Hard Work & Challenges

I will tell you that SOM is absolutely kicking S's butt right now.  She has got so much homework from there added on top of what I assign her towards finishing up high school homeschooling requirements ... crazy.

I Pray

If you haven't been bombarded enough by all the news on television, text-messaging services, online news sources or tweets, there was a mass-shooting in Aurora, Colorado, last night.

Thankfully, they have the suspect in custody.  Unfortunately, several people were killed and many more were injured.

I pray for the families of the victims and for the recovery of those who were injured.  I pray that justice is served swiftly in the case of the suspect.  I pray that he repents of his sin and knows Jesus Christ before his own demise.  I pray for the hundreds of law enforcement officials involved in this case, that they may be wise and fair in their evidence gathering and processing.  I pray for the people of Aurora, that they may continue living lives without fear.

In reading a couple articles about the situation this morning, I saw the suspect's mother was quoted in reaction to the news of her son's arrest, as saying, "You have the right person...I need to call the police..."

I also pray that there never comes a day when I have to be that mom.

CT Scan Followup, Part II (Already)

So I guess they were just joking when they said three days.  Probably three days for the official radiology report, but our pediatrician saw the results online today (that's one good thing now that everything is electronically recorded) and he called me personally to tell me the news.

More Tests

J's still sick.  We were referred to a GI specialist who won't probably be able to get her in till August.  Her regular pediatrician saw her tonight and he ordered a bunch more lab tests for tomorrow morning and ... a CT Scan.

I Don't Know

I think some of the most frustrating words in the English language make up the phrase, "I don't know."  It drives me crazy when kids say it to me as their reason behind certain behaviors or choices made.  It drives me even more crazy when professional, highly-educated people -- like doctors -- tell me that's all they have to say about why our daughter has been throwing up for most of the past ten days!  Come on.

Give me bad news.  Give me good news.  Give me something.  Don't tell me you don't know.  It's making me bonkers.  I know it's mostly about control.  Not knowing means I have to trust God more, instead of facts.  But I still keep reviewing the facts over and over again.  I can't help it.

The Irony of 20

This week, C and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage.  TWENTY.  (I know!)  The time has gone by in a blink, but also, we have experienced a lot of richness and depth in those twenty years and I often feel like I can recall specific days over the twenty years, with the clarity of yesterday.  It's really strange.

The human brain is a weird mish-mash when it comes to recollection over time, don't you think?

Here we are as a couple of teenagers in youth group (we'd already known each other five years at this point).  We've since done away with our floral pants and hair mullet, but we still have our Bible.

Tooth-y

Just putting a little request out there for prayers for two of our kids who have some teeth stuff coming up this month.

Lots of Prayers

There is always something to pray about and someone to pray for.  But just lately, I feel like my prayer list is so long, I can barely keep track.  Though my kids are in a pretty good habit of keeping a prayer journal, I'm on again and off again (and currently off), so it gets to a point when I feel overwhelmed trying to remember all the promises I've made to pray for people.

Been Praying

Our son, O, came in from riding his bike today with a bloody nose.  It wasn't a big deal and nobody freaked out about it.  But as Z went back outside after escorting O into the house for assistance, he said, "We'll be praying for you, O!"

O called back, "You don't need to ... it's almost done."

I laughed.

Sunday Silliness, Again

On the way home from church this morning, I asked O what he learned about in Sunday School.

He replied, as expected, "God."

Monday Mastery: Coin Purses

For the most part, we do inexpensive, stuff-from-around-the-house kinds of crafts for school for obvious reasons.  But sometimes, I like to get something special from local craft supply stores.  This was one of those times.