It was difficult for us to even become parents in the first place and now that we are, it's still hard helping these kids learn right from wrong -- not only by what we say, but by what we do. Some days are just excruciating and I start thinking I'm just messing these kids up forever (which is true and they can take it up with their therapists some day maybe). But I know, that we are also adding value and richness to their lives. Despite what they say otherwise.
That's apparent because J thanked me for teaching her. It's also apparent because just when I was ready to give up on the day and go to bed, our son Z, sweaty from playing outside, ran in to beg me to hurry outside "to see the most beautiful rainbow ever!" This is the kid who moves so fast, he rarely slows down enough to notice that dinner's on the table, let alone that a pretty rainbow has appeared in the sky.
It was, too. Funny how a rainbow can seem that much more brilliant on the darkest of days. I did grab my camera and snapped a couple shots, but they truly can't compare with the scene because it was more than what I could see with my eyes. I don't know if it was a message from the Lord, but I felt like maybe it was -- put there for me.
It was a reminder to me to stay the course, through good times and hard ones and that in the end, when our children are grown and we've all survived this giant storm of life, we'll have a beautiful picture to show for it. These kids, with all their background and troubles, they are on a good (overall) path and they are a blessing. I have never doubted that God has saved them all from their troubled pasts and put them here with us for a brighter future. I can hardly wait to see what that might look like.
(Click on the picture to see it larger.)
|Beautiful rainbow right outside our front door.|
Oddly enough, later in the evening when our two oldest kids were at youth group and the younger three were having their dinner at the table, I had a weird moment where I saw them as teenagers with two kids already out the door -- off to college or whatever. We've had five kids for so long, it's sometimes hard to imagine going the other way and back down to three and two and ... empty nest. It's exciting and sad to think about, but it was like I was allowed a small glimpse of a life with no more little kids. How different life will be for us then.