J's still sick. We were referred to a GI specialist who won't probably be able to get her in till August. Her regular pediatrician saw her tonight and he ordered a bunch more lab tests for tomorrow morning and ... a CT Scan.
When he said it, I nodded and said, "OK." But then after a few moments, it occurred to me that CT Scans are something I only hear about on medical television shows. I've never known anyone to have one. It seems scary. So I asked, "And what will the CT Scan tell us?"
And he mouthed the word to protect J's worry-nerves and though it was barely a whisper and I'm hard of hearing, the word echoed in my head like he'd shouted it from the mountain tops: tumor.
Chances are, the CT Scan will rule out a tumor. I'm 99% sure of it. But the fact that it was ever in question is just so bewildering to me. And I waited till the doctor walked out of the room to get the nurse to do yet another strep test (negative again, by the way) and I just went over and hugged J and kissed her on the head and nearly started crying all over her. But I held it together. I need to be at least as brave as she's been through the whole ordeal.
Inside, I'm terrified.
The doctor has a few ideas in mind about what it could be, which is much better still than "I don't know," but he's holding off saying anything really till we get more tests done. Wise.
So please say a prayer for J tomorrow that the testing goes well and that the CT Scan is clear and good. But even if it's not, I know that God is right here with us every step of the way. He created this child and He can make her well. He is my comfort and my hope.